Kitchen Catechism: Featured Articles
The Men in Mary's Life
by Lois Donahue
None of us, I’m sure, would question the fact that there were men in Mary’s life. The Bible specifically tells us of many and certainly implies the presence of others. We may never know, in this life at least, who all those men were and exactly how they helped shape Mary’s life. We can only speculate -- only imagine. So let’s do just that.
Where better to begin than with her father. Since he is not mentioned in the Bible, it is from other sources that we have come to know him as JOACHIM. We also discover that during Mary’s ‘learning’ years all education was taught through passages from the Bible and only boys were allowed to attend school. Fathers were responsible for educating their daughters. Therefore, it seems to me, based on Mary’s familiarity with the beliefs, words and practices of her religious ancestors, as well as her obviously unshakable faith, that her father cared for her deeply and ‘educated’ her well - both from the Torah and by his own example.
Next, of course, is Joseph, who is praised in St. Mathew’s gospel as both “just” and “righteous”. Beyond that, I think we have come to learn that he was loving, supportive, wise, dependable, strong, patient and understanding. I can almost hear Mary saying - “I can’t imagine how I would have done it without him.” Joseph was, indeed, one of the most important men in Mary’s life.
Far less important, but still significant, was the man we would have seen with Mary shortly after she learned from an angel that Elizabeth, her aging “relative”, was pregnant. The reason for his presence was that Mary would have been unable to visit Elizabeth without him. You see, a woman living in her time and culture, was forbidden to travel alone; so a male relative “would have been chosen to accompany her”. How much Mary must have appreciated what he agreed to do.
As a result of that visit, two more men came into Mary’s life. First, of course, was ZECHARIAH, Elizabeth’s husband and the second was Elizabeth’s yet-to-be-born son who was destined to baptize Jesus, to declare Him to be the “Son of God”, and to be remembered by name as JOHN THE BAPTIST.
Not too many months after Mary visited Elizabeth, CAESAR AUGUSTUS entered the picture. He ordered the census which took Mary and Joseph to Bethlehem. As a consequence of that journey, into her life - in fact into the very place where she gave birth to Jesus - came SHEPHERDS - the men who were first to learn the Messiah had been born. Mary may well have thought of those humble men several years later when Jesus chose for Himself the role of ‘shepherd’.
Other men visited Mary during that time of her life...the ‘MAGI’, who in the sixth century were first mentioned as GASPAR, MELCHIOR AND BALTHASAR. They presented something else for Mary to ‘ponder’. “Why did these wealthy Gentile men travel such a distance to find this little Jewish boy?” She had no way of knowing what impact ‘this little Jewish boy’ would have on the ‘Gentile’ world.
Very shortly after that came SIMEON. We find him at the ‘presentation in the temple’, holding Jesus, speaking words which “amazed” both Joseph and Mary and then saying, directly to Mary, something which must have made him an unforgettable man in her life - “and you yourself a sword will pierce”.
The first prick of that sword had to have come from HEROD, the satellite king of Judea, who, fearing there was a “newborn king of the Jews” in the vicinity of Bethlehem, ordered “the massacre” of countless baby boys and thus forced ‘the holy family’ to flee to Egypt. There, in this foreign land, other MEN would have come into Mary’s life in that it would have been men who found them a place to live as well as some kind of work so that Joseph could support his wife and child. HEROD was not yet out of the picture. Only after his death was it safe for Joseph, Mary and Jesus to return to Galilee and settle in Nazareth. From then until Jesus began His public ministry I know nothing about any men who may have been part of Mary’s life.
That changed with the wedding at Cana. The Bible tells us Mary was there with Jesus and “His disciples” -- who most likely were - PETER, ANDREW, JAMES, JOHN, PHILIP and NATHANAEL.
Following Cana the Bible does speak of Mary, but nothing factual is revealed as to where or with whom she lived. It does seem reasonable to assume, however, that during that particular span of time more of Jesus’ disciples and quite probably ALL OF HIS APOSTLES would have been in and out of her life.
What is revealed is that she was in Jerusalem when Jesus died. My hope is that she was there to see His triumphant entry into that great city and wouldn’t it have been wonderful if, during that joyous time, certain men would have sought her out to tell her how deeply indebted they were to her son -- MEN like one who was once blind or one who was no longer a leper or, especially, a widow’s son who had died and now lived again. Such a miracle reminds me of another man raised from the dead who could very well have been a man in Mary’s life ... LAZARUS. I am inclined to believe, because he was such a close friend of Jesus and lived near Jerusalem, he would have invited her to stay at his home.
All too soon came the agonizing days of what we now call “Holy Week” during which I am convinced Mary remained as close to Jesus as was allowed and kept informed as to what was happening. Sadly, the actions of some of the MEN who invaded her life throughout the frightening hours up to and during her son’s crucifixion would certainly given the Devil cause to tempt her to react with ‘justifiable’ resentment and anger. Primarily, there was JUDAS, the betrayer, who Jesus befriended and even chose to be an apostle -- followed by that trio of scripturally-mentioned ‘authorities’, HEROD (ANTIPAS), ANNAS and CAIPHAS, who obviously made no effort whatsoever to save Jesus from death -- to say nothing of the spineless PONTIUS PILATE who declared “I find this man not guilty” and yet allowed Him to be flogged and crucified.
There, too, were those MEN who had driven thorns into Jesus’ head, caused those bleeding scourge-wounds on His body, pounded the nails that held Him to the cross. However, I’m sure, with God’s help, Mary would have resisted any temptation and, like her Son, would have asked that they be forgiven. Oh yes, and there was another man who, although no more than a background player in Jesus’ trial and conviction, must have entered Mary’s thoughts and thus her life -- BARABBAS. Don’t you imagine that when Pilate asked the people if he should release Jesus or Barabbas, Mary truly hoped Barabbas would be the one not released. But, again, her prayer would have been like her son’s in Gethsemene - “not as I will, but as you will” and she would have continued to bear the suffering caused by other men who crossed her life’s path. She watched and listened as many of them jeered and mocked Jesus as he hung in agony and felt pain in her own body when the soldier, LONGINUS, pierced His side with a lance.
It must be noted, though, that two men would have become part of any possible ‘comfort’ - memories Mary might have been able to associate with Calvary. They were - SIMON who helped Jesus carry the cross and DISMAS, the “good thief”, who let her son know, before He died, that someone had heard His words and truly believed. (Along this line, let us never forget that even though our attention might often be drawn toward less than reputable men, particularly as we recall this tragic time in Mary’s life, there would always have been GOOD MEN who, in some way, helped her to ‘move on’.)
Back to the reality of impending death. Jesus Himself named the man who would play the final major role in Mary’s earthly life. Looking down from the cross, He told His mother, “Woman, behold your son” and to the disciple/Apostle “whom He loved” He said, “Behold your mother”. From that hour on JOHN took Mary “into his home”.
After His last breath Jesus was taken down from the cross and two more men appeared in Mary’s life. She may or may not have met them personally but, without question, she would have heard about them and consequently been greatly comforted by what they did. These men were JOSEPH OF ARIMATHEA, “secretly a disciple”, who received permission to take Jesus’ body and provided his own tomb for Jesus burial and NICODEMUS, “a Pharisee” and, it would seem, a follower of Jesus, who had once asked Him about being born a second time. Together they wrapped the body of Jesus in linen cloth along with the spices Nicodemus had brought and St. Mathew tells us Joseph then “rolled a huge stone across the entrance of the tomb” and departed.
Any men with whom Mary might have interacted as she worked in the early church are unknown to me but it seems probable she would have at least met MATHIAS who was chosen to replace Judas.
So now that we have thought about the men who were IN Mary’s life let them always be a collective reminder of JESUS - the man who WAS Mary’s life.